This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
