i think my mom watched the whole time
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
