last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
