Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
