For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
