How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
