do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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