i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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