Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
