You can't motorboat a personality
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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