I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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