remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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