I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
