if you like me you must not know who I am
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
