We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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