Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
