how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
