He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
