fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
