just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
