As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
