If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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