I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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