Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
