Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
