I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
