i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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