my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize