here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
