Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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