My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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