After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
