wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
