I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
