i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
