addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
