My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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