3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
