HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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