i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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