were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
