The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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