Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize