If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
