I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
