I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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