I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
