You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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