wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
