So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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