It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
