There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
