so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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