Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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