remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
