i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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