I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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