Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
