I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
