Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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