I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
