you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
