im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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