God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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