I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
