im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
