Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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