When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
