so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
